The Ratman
by BabyPinecone
Summary: Who is the Ratman? What went through the mind of this poor soul when it was in the Aperture Science Labs? Just the ramblings and conscious apprehendings of yet another test subject.
1. She's Watching You

Well, this is my first go at a Portal fanfic. I don't own Portal, or anything to do with it- I hope this does it justice!

* * *

"Number 260993 please continue to the-"

_I am not a number_!

"Number 260993 please continue-"

"_My name is_…" [_What is it?]_ My name…

"Number-"

"_I AM NOT A NUMBER_!" White on red. White on red. Or is it red on white? I don't know…there are red lights and red water and red red red-

"Number 260993-"

"_NO_!" I was close, ripping out her eye from it's resolute socket, but falling, falling with that eye clasped tightly in my hands. The floor hit me hard, hit us hard, but it isn't enough. I want her to be blind, tearing it apart is the only way, red water falling from my hands, but in the frenzy it was hers, not mine.

GLaDOS. That bitch. Like the mother I fucking left. Always 's everywhere, always watching me. A pervert. Always talking. Never quiet…no peace…fucking _bitch_!

But what can I do?

I run.

Breathe. Run. Breathe. Run. Run. Run…. Nothing else to do.

Nothing else to say.

I want to live, but I'm stuck here. I can't get out. How can you live in a prison?

They said I'd be paid, I'd get cake. Where is the cake? I don't want it. But I need something. Something to carry on for.

I carry on for her. I want my mum. I want….

What was her name? Something…whenever I try to remember all I can hear is angry voices, shouting, scratches. Black energy, that's what it is. Was. Will be. I don't know….she's always there.

_DIE, you fucking BITCH_!

Haven't I heard that one before. Once, twice, thrice…and that last time.

There's so much noise in these silences. I can hear everything she wants to say but doesn't. [Why does she look at me like that?] It wasn't like I….oh, I did. The needle- I'm sorry, I'm sorry…but you don't care. You look at me like I'm dirt. Like I'm a piece of shit. I can't help it; I just want you to be here! Hug me, warm me up and make me laugh like I used to… [Please]. Why did you leave me? [I want you here. I miss you.]

Hey, ma! Ma! Come back!

Mum…please come back….oh god…please-

"Number 260993 please continue to test chamber number…"

Like hell I will, bitch. No…hang on. What's this? A…this wall, it's, like...open. Well, not really, but there's a crack. Something prised it open or something. If I just…ah, fuck these nails. There! Just need to get it open a bit more…HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK! Shit…never had auto-closing door back home in the shit-shack. If I- she's still watching. I can see her looking round at me as I move. So many eyes…she won't miss just one.

There.

I'm in. Her eye makes a good doorstop. Yeah…a doorstop. Like this is my home. I like it here. No white. I can feel dust under my feet and it smells like the yard.

I'll stay here.

* * *

Reviews desperately needed; constructive criticism, etc. BP


	2. Cee Cee and Me

I do not own portal or anything to do with it.

I get lonely. The yard always was cold, even in the summer when I needed ice cream to hold me down. No one was really ever warm to each other in the yard. Everyone watching, you see. How can you be truly warm to someone if everyone's watching? So we are cold in our fake warm way. Because they do watch. Like her and her eyes. That's where she got the idea from. To watch me. She knew about everyone else… But she isn't here. Not now.

I know!

Companion cube. A companion…it's somewhere here. I know it.

No.

It's not…I've looked everywhere. I can't just leave it-no. I'm not leaving it. It's leaving me. I'm the lonely one. But it's not the cube's fault. I've still got these photos…if I just-draw…

I'm not alone. I have company. C.C. is here. I'm not alone.

C.C. and I have good times here, in my house. I've painted the walls real nice, with this red stuff I drop behind me. I always feel so weightless nowadays. Every week or so, when we hear her trying to call us to come back we go and get an eye. We're so blind here; we need something to see with.

But we get hungry. Cee Cee says there'll be cake. "When?", I ask, but Cee Cee just said there'll be cake. When will there be cake? What do I have to do? Cee Cee will tell me. Cee Cee always has the answers.

Sitting here with Cee Cee, I've begun to remember. Things, fragments, a poem I had to learn…I don't know why yet, but I'll find out. Stupid things, like how to tie a reef knot and some tune that I keep repeating over and over…

I've remembered home.

Cee Cee says I shouldn't dwell on the past. Cee Cee says what matters is right now is cake.

Cake.

To get the cake I have to finish the test. She said I must. So maybe I should.

I will.

This portal is a part of me now. I don't even have to think about making a doorway, it just happens. I don't register it anymore. I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing…

_Ma! Ma! Look at me, Ma! [Her voice is so muffled] I can do the waltz too! [Why can't I hear her voice?] _

I can remember being with her, but there's still this black energy around her when I try to think. I'm going to get rid of it, to try and get her back. Along with my identity.

Being here on my own, except for Cee Cee, of course, means that I don't know what's happening outside.

Not that it matters.

I wonder what I look like now? I haven't seen a mirror for a long time. I would use the portal, but then I'd be watching me. I don't need to be watched by anyone else.

She's forgotten about me. I don't get her calls anymore. Am I not good enough? Why should I be ignored? What have I done now?

Too many questions, says Cee Cee. Cee Cee says that I should hurry up and go and do the tests, like she wanted me to. Does Cee Cee want to get rid of me as well…no. No questions. She does want to get rid of me.

Fine then. I'll go.

Reviews, please! BP


	3. God is Vengeful

I do not own Portal, or anything to do with it.

* * *

I never noticed how empty these corridors are. She still ignores me, and Cee Cee left me a long time ago. I saw her yesterday- or it could have been a couple of hours ago…I'm not sure. Cee Cee was trapped in a cage, crying out for help, but the silence was so loud I couldn't help her.

[Couldn't or wouldn't?]

Test chamber 19. I'm here. Oh, this is so easy! Are you proud, yet, Ma? GLaDOS? Are you proud?! Look at me, it's like thinking in a another language. Portal, portal, portal, portal…

This is it. I get cake now. She's watching me now, oh yes she is, so proud, she would be.

She would be proud.

There it is! I can see the cake! I'm so close, just around this corner!

Oh, this platform is like a cloud, taking me to heaven…

Why is it so hot?

It's only hot in hell…

[I'm nearly there, Ma! I told you this was going to make me smart, I told you it's going to be a good experience, and now look at me! I completed it, and when I get back I'll tell you of the _fire_, and the guns, and the eyes-]

_The fire._

Fire? What the fuck is fire doing here?

Holy shit, this isn't good. I need to get out of here. GLaDOS, you bitch! You fucking bitch! Where's my CAKE!?

[Maybe I'm in the oven baking the cake. Maybe this is all a test. Maybe I need to get through the flames to get the cake baking at the other side. I can smell it now. It smells like meat.]

**[Meat?]**

Portal. I think in portals now. There…a portal to another world. A new world… a new me.

This new world sure is grey. And hot…

The cloud. Now I'm god, I can see the cloud, floating into hell.

I did it.

The tests are over.

**[I'm free.]**

You thought you could get rid of me, did you? Well ha fucking ha. You should know that walls and fire can't hold me. Hell, demons from the fucking underground can't catch me!

Now what are you going to do? Number 260993 figured out how to cheat death. You think you're god?

You just wait till I smite _you_.

* * *

Last chapter coming up! BP


	4. Fin

I do not own Portal or anything to do with it. Last chapter, folks!

* * *

Here I am, GLaDOS.

Here I am, Ma.

Are you watching this?

I can see you there, above me. That light shining down.

Yes, I've calmed down. Me and Cee Cee had a talk. It's over. I don't need a companion.

You have to be stopped, my dear.

My love, it has to stop. I am not a number. You have to stop this now.

Oh god, shut up. Shut the fuck up, you stupid-

Don't you dare talk about her like that-you shut that trap of yours or I'll-

So I couldn't talk to her! So I stayed away!

It wasn't my FAULT!

God, Christ, it wasn't…

I didn't mean to-you understand? I didn't mean to!

Look, I'll show you.

Here- you see? Here? I tried!

Oh, stop it. I came here for a reason, anyway. You have to be shut down, my love.

Here…[I should have paid more attention in technology, I knew it.] Shouldn't there be a big red button or something?

You can talk in that smarmy voice all you want, sweetcheeks, I ain't listening no more.

You shut up or I'll gas _you _good and proper!

Right now…a switch, a screen, buttons here and there…what happens if I press this?

Shit! What the fuck?! What the- oh my fucking god, no, no, NO, I didn't mean THAT! NO! For god's sake, GLaDOS, help me! Turn this off or it's curtains for both of us!

Shit! Oh my-what's that smell?

Didn't you hear me up there, you-god, that stinks.

Christ, I feel weird…what is that smell?

[The smell-]

It's…*cough*

God, I ca-*cough*

my lungs-

[There! That button! Portal!]

*cough*

[Portal there! Portal! Here!]

Uuuh…my…*cough*

[Oh god, this is it. I'm going to die. I can't even see that bitch anymore. So white…so white…]

[I'll warn them]

[Those who]

[Come here]

[I'll save some of them, by Christ I will-]

[Oh god…Ma…I'm sorry…]

[You were right-

I'm nothing more than a…

…a ratman]

* * *

Goodbye, ratman….BP


End file.
